Saturday, October 16, 2010

I wanna be a billionaire so freaking baaaad...

With limitless resources, I would buy so much stupid golf shit it wouldnt even be funny.  

I'm deadly serious.  I could find so much dumb golf shit to buy that I may as well purchase my own warehouse just to keep it all in.  Top of the line everything, all the time.  That's how I'd roll. 

But this morning I came across two must-haves in my billionaire golf collection:  a TruGolf Premium Golf  Simulator, and a full set of Maruman Majesty Prestigio pure gold golf clubs.  I mean come on, how ridiculously cool would it be to hit your golden driver at Pinehurst, St. Andrews, and Pebble Beach, in the same day, without getting out of your pijamas?

The TruGolf simulator looks awesome.  Click here for a demo on youtube.
Seriously, this thing lets you hit any club in your bag, including your putter.  Rumor has it that the putts dont work very well, but who cares?  There are a zillion courses that you can buy that include Bay Hill, Castle Pines, Cog Hill, Emerald Dunes, Firestone, Grand National, Harbour Town, Innisbrook, and the list goes on and on.  It's unbelievable. 

The price tag for this baby? About $56,000 from what I can tell.  Comparable to an initiation fee at a prestigious country club, I think.  I havent had the balls to call a sales rep to ask them for more information but from their website, that appears to be the best estimate.  They also have lower grade models availible that run as low as $19,000 bucks. 

I have to assume that durability is an issue with the TruGolf station.  The website warns that the mat needs to be regularly vaccuumed, that you should only hit new, clean balls, and that the screen, lenses and lamps may need to be replaced on an annual basis.  I also have to assume that these do not come cheaply.   But given the fact thay you just shelled out fifty grand to buy a glorified version of Tiger Woods golf, I cant imagine that maintenence costs would be something that bother you.

My other must have?  Golden golf clubs.  Because if my golf clubs aren't blingin, then I won't hear no birdies singin. (if my current carreer doesnt work out, at least I know I have a future in bustin rhymes.) 

These things are the definition of gaudy.  Maruman Golf explains that their Majesty series is the ultimate golfing experience.  They say their, "flagship model, the “Majesty Series”, is the realization of every technological innovation pioneered by Maruman, Golf’s equipment engineering technology leader for over 35 years."

What do they leave out?  Oh, yeah the small bit about encasing the club in G O L D.  Yes, GOLD.   The driver will run you about $2,500 dollars.    I do not know anyone who owns this club, nor do I ever expect to know anyone who would spend their hard earned money on something this awesome.  But god damn, if you had this kind of bling in your bag you'd be cool as shit. 

Oh, and for you ladies out there, they got your back too.  Pink goes well with gold, right?  Hell yes it does.

This little binge I've been on tells me that I need to start makin some more money, honey.  I could buy so much cool shit if I only had the fundz. 

Some day my friends... someday.

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